15 October 2009

"Red" #Fridayflash

I know I toyed with the idea of zombies again. Next week. My head is so very sore and tired, but I cannot let Friday sneak up on me. Please accept this as an appeasement until the pain goes away...

I cleared away the debris so that you could breathe here in my space. I know you like to be able to stretch your legs from time to time. Are the bindings too tight?

Would you like some water?

What if I held you close to me? Would that stop you from shaking?

You sing so pretty. So trilling. Will you sing for me?

The sun is out. Birds fly overhead. I tried to show you, but you wouldn’t look. I won't be able to take the jar outside later. The blue is fading, but I can’t make it stay. Clouds are forming. It made me sad.

You wouldn’t talk to me. I held you and you squirmed and screamed. It was really loud. I just wanted to hold you. You’re so nice and quiet now.

I like it when you aren’t sweating so much better. So cool now. I washed the rest of your makeup away, and the red.

So much red.

Can you hear me? I tried to play piano for you, but you wouldn’t dance. Even after I took away the scratchy rope. Does it still bother you?

Will you just talk to me?

It didn’t hurt as much as you made it out to be. Just the wet is pain, just a little. Just the red.

It’s getting dark now. I’m going to hold you like I said I would. I’m going to sing as long as I can.

Until I fall asleep like you.

So now that you've read this...did you catch the subtle clues? What exactly did the narrator do to this person?


shannon said...

I like the shift of present tense to past, showing the subject is now deceased. I can't figure out what the subject is...because of the jar? Do tell. This is a very creepy beginning to fridayflash, puts me in the mood for Halloween. (Hope your headache feels better soon!)


That was great.

Better read than dead right?

Nyuck nyuck!

Marisa Birns said...

I am appeased! Your poetic prose is lovely here.

Thank you, and I hope your headache is leaving you right this minute!

Laura Eno said...

Oh, creepy lunatic! Nicely done. :)

Anonymous said...

Creepy, creepy, creepy. And by that I mean good. :-)

Dan said...

Very creepy. In the best way possible.

This reminds me of something...but, I can't recall what. I'm sure it will come to me upon ebon wings in the middle of the night...

Carrie Clevenger said...

Dan, it's actually a combination of 'Boxing-Helena' type macabre and another one by Dean R. (yes, R) Koontz which title escapes me at the moment.

And thank you all. CREEPY fits me just dandy.

Eric J. Krause said...

Good read. Like shannon, I too enjoyed the shift from present to past tense. Seems to me the killer didn't mean to do the killing, at least not at that point. Reminded me sort of like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.

Laurita said...

Extremely creepy. Poetically so. Loved every line.

Rachel Blackbirdsong said...

Well someone has been killed by someone who is like a sociopath and possibly a psychopath who is a musically inclined, but murderous stalker. I love the first person narrative. It adds a really creepy texture to this piece.

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Nice! Very good flow of the one-sided conversation.

One has sympathy for(or is it empathy with?) the narrator. He didn't so much kill her as smother her with love

Anonymous said...

Loved it, baby... Loved it... You're in better form than ever.

Mark Kerstetter said...

This is like poetry or music. I wonder if it's partly because you planted the suggestion, but the feeling is of being in a perfectly comfortable, warm and peaceful place, with beautiful music playing in the background - only with an edge of something awful, like a bad headache.